Douche Bags

Lately there's been an influx of Douche Bags around town, maybe it has something to do with the bad economy? Who knows... But the Miami Douche Bag is a rare breed, a hybrid douche bag with great careers, impeccable taste, and seem like the kind of guy you'd take home to daddy. They've really taken Douchiness to a new level. If you don't know what the term "Douche Bag" means, I can assure you, you've run into one in your recent past. They're really not difficult to find. They usually roll with one or two friends (people who feed into their narcissistic personalities), you can find them in lounges, bars, restaurants basically any social environment where alcohol is served. At first they are always funny and charismatic as you wonder to yourself, "wait a minute there's something about this guy I can't put my finger on?" And yes Douche Bags are always definitely men. Not because we have anything against you guys but because women just aren't built with that chromosome. So anyway, very charming and endearing, always the life of the party, this guy is so full of himself he doesn't even realize it. At first he'll start off by making you feel like the only one in the room and at first you'll buy it until from the corner of his eye you'll see that he's checking out the cute bartender or the girl sitting with her boyfriend. You'll think to yourself, "he wouldn't be checking that girl out, she's taken," or "he wouldn't just blatantly be checking that bartender out while he's talking to me impossible!" Well I'll tell you this now so you never have to wonder again, YES HE IS! So at this point, (leaving him mid-sentence) you should turn around to your friends and say something really funny about him, continue your night and forget he ever existed. If your that fortunate that is...

If you're unlucky enough to go home with this guy or go on a date with him, (meaning he's good at hiding his douchiness) you'll notice the following - he talks to you about other girls, he answers calls while he's out with you, and for some reason or other he never wants to do anything you suggest. These are tell tell signs he is a Douche. Although he'll do these subtle things while he's with you, he'll also simultaneously make you feel like you are the only girl in the world. And please don't get swept up in this scheme ladies, take a deep breathe and step back. No one is this nice so soon after meeting you. This means he has arterial motives and this means at the moment you realize this, you should grab your purse and RUN! Don't look back, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. Just get the hell out before this guy takes you for a ride. Take the experience for what it is worth, "a good time" and jump in your car and ride. A real experience with someone that cares about getting to know you takes time, patience and the utmost respect. So keep an eye out because these Douchies blend in well, they don't smell bad, usually dress well and for some reason tend to have nice smiles (not statistically proven yet but we're working on it). But whatever you do, DON'T let that Douche get the best of you!